DGAF Thread

[caseyd123]

"Don't Give A Fuck"..... A personality I've been able to develop in the gym where I simply don't give a fuck if I look weird for wearing short shorts, long socks, knee sleeves, a tucked in shirt and a big bulky belt when I bench press and actually doing those squat things below parallel... And "what does your Football Power Clean shirt mean? What is a power clean?"

For some reason I can not bring this mentality into the real world, aka outside of the gym. I am perpetually in GAF mode where I actually do give a fuck what people think about what I do.

Have any of you completely immersed yourselves into DGAF? I am convinced that it is a necessary step for me to take both for my general sanity and my morality but I can't seem to be able to bring "it" outside of the gym.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Laughs?

[Webbie]

Observe that when you are in the gym, you are on a very self defined path. You DGAF because you know what you want and where you are going....and the key is that your progress is very easily measured.

Do you have that same focus, effort, and easily measured progress outside?

Generally, when feedback bothers it is because it is aimed at a created persona not a person on a path.

[Patrick]

I think Webbie makes a very important distinction. Sometimes you give a fuck because the opinions of other people matter -- and it's quite important to recognize this because sometimes you can change those opinions.

A couple of weeks ago I was in a meeting with people very much my senior who were in the process of taking me to task for something I'd written. I interrupted, made their case for them (to show that I had considered the objection before acting -- that I GAF) and then explained why I had done what I did. It ended well for me.

I suppose the stark fact is that asserting what you want can come at the cost of what others think of you; you don't want to be ripped off by a mechanic so you make him itemize your bill and explain it to you before you pay but that makes you a pest. However, at least in my limited experience, if your goal is a decent one, then the people who are in a position to support you will buy into your vision if you GAF what they think and take the time to explain yourself to them.

Of course, in traffic, all bets are off.

[caseyd123]

So would it behoove me to create a plan/path every day with everything I am doing much like in the gym? For instance in classes I will choose to be quiet, studious and possibly anti-social because everything is aiming towards getting an A in the class and not impressing people or making new friends/meeting girls.

And basically try to create mini-scenarios like that but for each of the different activities I may be doing on a given day?

[Patrick]

I think any answer to that would be facile if it didn't say "maybe". There's the whole "failing to plan in planning to fail" meme and then there's the notion that if you don't let yourself be free then you'll never realize your full potential. The answer is in the middle -- you gotta figure out which approach gets the most from your individual psychology.

So to a certain extent, you ought to take the gym approach to your life -- you have to tailor your program to your current state and your goals. Are you an intermediate lifter who wants to gain muscle mass? Lose weight? Increase strength? The program and the goals both change. Realistic self-assessment is the main challenge in life -- much easier in the gym than anywhere. Isn't it popular to quote Rollins here, "200 lbs is always 200 lbs?"

So yeah, decide how you'll do best and bust your ass to do it. If that falls short of expectation then refine your approach and assumptions.

[scotty022]

This is at the heart of virtually all self-improvement literature.

1. Decide what you want.
2. Do something to get it.
3. Evaluate whether it's working.
4. Adjust accordingly.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

If this doesn't work, spending a year in New York City cured me of your problem.

[caseyd123]

Scotty would you mind elaborating on your NYC experience? Were you basically forced into having thick skin?

[scotty022]

I was indeed.

I can remember thinking, while considering moving there for the year, that "this will probably make me less of a pushover." It did.

New Yorkers are nice people, but they don't wear it on their sleeve. And they certainly don't suffer fools lightly. This takes some getting used to when you're a bit of a fool. Also, New Yorkers are (much) more verbally aggressive than Texans--I saw a lot of people running smack that would have earned them an ass-kicking down here. When confronted with such verbal aggression, you start to learn how to shrug it off.

New York is also just a tough town. Things are difficult there that you don't really think about twice anywhere else. For instance, I can remember getting my first day off in two weeks, and realizing that I was going to have to spend it walking many city blocks to the laundromat in driving sleet and snow on a day where the wind chill was in the single digits. But it was that or smell like That Kid In Class Whose Mom Drinks Too Much. So I spent my only day off in a three-week span hauling my tired, freezing, quickly-homesick-for-Texas ass through a winter shitstorm for more than a mile round trip, all for the privilege of sitting in a steaming laundromat watching my clothes get cleaned.

It's a tough town. Some shorter examples of this:
--My commute was 35-45 min to work, and anywhere from 35 min to 1 hr 15 min home, depending on when I caught the late train.
--When looking for an apartment, I had to send out 80 emails, to get 10 interviews, to end up with a room in a no-shit housing project.
--I got fired one night, and on the way home I was robbed of $150. This sort of thing has actually become very rare in NYC, especially in Manhattan, but it certainly thickened my skin a bit.

It occurs to me that the common thread between my New York experience and your gym experience may be this: we don't give a fuck about what others think only when we're doing something that's hard enough to demand our full attention. Try doing more really-damned-hard things in your life outside the gym and see how that works for you.

[scotty022]

Also, keep in mind that while too much GAF can be the root of timidity, the correct amount of GAF can be the root of humility, compassion, and productive introspection.

[caseyd123]

great stuff scotty thanks man

[davew]

So would it behoove me to create a plan/path every day with everything I am doing much like in the gym? For instance in classes I will choose to be quiet, studious and possibly anti-social because everything is aiming towards getting an A in the class and not impressing people or making new friends/meeting girls.

And basically try to create mini-scenarios like that but for each of the different activities I may be doing on a given day?

Is this a real question? If it is, you don't need to be anti-social in your academic life to get an A n a class. If so rethink how you approach learning and studying.

I don't really understand why you'd want to make "mini-scenarios" and plan each activity as such; that looks like a tight-assed way to go about things. Focus on what you think is important and don't sweat the small shit that you determine isn't.

[william jackson]

well i work with a bunch of knocked-up immature females (seriously, im one of two men in the office of about 25 single "i dont know who the babies daddy is" women) and i hang out with my gym buddies. so at work i truly dont GAF and when spending time with the guys, there isnt anything to GAF about. nice situation.
other than that, i only care about my "morals" or what have you. someone laughs at my short shorts (believe me, they are short)- DGAF. someone acts despicably towards a woman- GAF
maybe my situation is different but its pretty easy for me.

[cjangelo]

But it was that or smell like That Kid In Class Whose Mom Drinks Too Much.

I feel like no one has given him proper credit for a hilarious line.

Fuck that's a good one, I'm stealing it.