Looking for a quick, convenient workout?

[caseyd123]

Was walking to get lunch at the student union today and some guy I guess a grad student in exercise physiology was yelling out "be part of a exercise research study! find your body fat %!" all that shit. basically one of those things Ripp talks about in his books that somehow in the end deem the Nautilus machine superior to free weights...Anyways I decided wtf I'm going to at least look at the flier to see if I can get any laughs out of it... Here it is:

Looking for a quick, convenient workout?

Curious about your muscle strength and body composition? Find out by participating in our research study!

We are currently looking for healthy subjects aged 18-30 years old to participate in our research study on health and performance benefits of whole body vibration exercise.

http://www.physiquefitness.ca/CMS/images/stories/Products/51+cGdMH3jL._SS500_.jpg

What you'll get:
-3 motnhs of supervised workouts that target your lower body in 30 to 40 minutes (perfect for in between classes!).
-Body composition tests that will assess your percent fat and percent muscle mass
-Tests of your muscular strength
-A chance to experience one of the newest devices for STRENGTH training: THE WHOLE BODY VIBRATION PLATFORM!

LOL hadn't heard of that one yet, anybody seen one?

[JCavin]

This reminds me of one of those old school machines that women used back in the 50's.

The one with a big belt that moved back and forth on their waist and was supposed to make them lose weight...

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IYWi0S9u_jU/R1RhJNXoCRI/AAAAAAAAABo/8fgvba-VHE0/s1600-R/vibrating+belt+machine.jpg


Yeah...it went well.

[Paul Sousa]

This reminds me of one of those old school machines that women used back in the 50's.

The one with a big belt that moved back and forth on their waist and was supposed to make them lose weight...

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IYWi0S9u_jU/R1RhJNXoCRI/AAAAAAAAABo/8fgvba-VHE0/s1600-R/vibrating+belt+machine.jpg


Yeah...it went well.

This blows away the Crossfit thread. Pure digital sex right there.

[Mr.City]

Supervised workouts, huh? I wouldn't mind watching some of that jelly jiggle.

[caseyd123]

so i guess im supposed to stand on that thing while it shakes me but i have to stay on it so i can develop teh muskular strenth!

no thanks

[nisora33]

That pic of those vibration machines brings back memories of a primitive gym my dad used to train at. It was called the "Spartan Health Spa." The equipment in there was ancient, and they had a couple of those machines with belts to shake you while you just stood there. The guy that ran the place, swear to God, looked and sounded like Jack Palance. Name was Charlie, and he was a scary motherfucker, especially to a five year-old surrounded by all that ancient equipment that looked like something out of a torture dungeon. Had a helluva handshake, though. Strong as an ox.

-s.

[Marotta]

Now, In travel size!!!

NSFW http://tinyurl.com/86a6v

[BryanM]

No thanks I'ma gonna stick with my ab rocker

http://www.vigortop.com.tw/image/AB-200%20AB%20Rocker.jpg

I'ma gonna be ripped, just you wait.

[blowdpanis]

Fuck.

You guys laugh, but I used to work at a gym that featured one of these pieces of shit, and they wanted us to tell all these ridiculous lies about their benefits in order to have people buy sessions on them. This was pretty much the beginning of the end of my job there, as I sent out some pretty nasty, public emails about what, exactly, I thought of said machines to my coworkers. Management did not entirely appreciate that.

[Platus]

Anyone up for a spin the Hawaii Chair?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9_amg-Aos4&feature=player_embedded

[Patrick]

There's some research to suggest that there are stem cells that can differentiate due to mechanical stress and can become either bone or fat. Obviously one is better than the other in terms of the durability of the body. The context of the research is, as far as I know, astronauts who incur bone wasting after prolonged periods of weightlessness.

As far fetched as it sounds, it actually kinda makes sense... if you live in an environment where you're jostled around a lot, you'd put more of your matter into bones so you can be sturdier and if you don't then fat might be a good way to store that energy for later.

[gordonrumble]

You know, you can get nerve damage from excessive vibrations. Construction workers on the jackhammer often get permanently numb hands after a while. Messes up their grip too.

I guess if you stood in a parallel squat the whole time you'd get pretty tired and develop a little muscle, but that thing won't do shit and will probably fuck you up if you use it every day.

[Rorschach]

Well yes, being under slight physical stress may toughen you up very slightly, but it's hardly comparable to actually doing some exercise in that time, is it? :P

White finger (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vibration_white_finger)'s not much of a risk there though, it's typically people who work long hours with jack-hammers, for example. Like the people who go in for this are going to be at the gym more than an hour a week... ;)

[51M0n]

Ha, my Mom got herself one of those for Christmas, had to bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing when I read the 'benefits' they claim in the manual. She got me a Titan lever belt so I couldn't give her too much crap about it.

[Alyion]

Hey the powerplate rocks!


http://img684.imageshack.us/img684/3883/deepsquat.jpg (http://img684.imageshack.us/i/deepsquat.jpg/)


JUST LOOK AT THAT DEPTH!

NO NEED TO GET BIG AND BULKY EITHER!

[JCavin]

^^^^^^^

This makes the anger sharks...well, angry.

[Mr.City]

Oh fuck, he"s going too deep! Too deep!

[misspelledgeoff]

he's going to get bulky if he's not careful.


Oh fuck, he"s going too deep! Too deep!

[blowdpanis]

he's going to get bulky if he's not careful.

As long as he remembers to keep his knees behind the toes (you have no idea how many times I've already heard this already in PT school), he will remain safe.

[OldMike]

Maybe the "Deep Squat" guy should get the portable version. He can just shove a vibrator up his ass; he'll probably have the same posture.

The sad part is how many idiots buy into this kind of foolishness.

[JCavin]

I just don't understand why people think this works.

I mean, seriously. Grow a fuckin' brain. How the HELL can a vibrating platform do anything for you that couldn't be better accomplished by being less of a lazy fucker and at LEAST buying some Billy Blanks shit? HOW!?

If we follow this logical thinking process, every woman that owns a vibrator or "back massager" should have a vagina strong enough to be a penis guillotine.

[caseyd123]

I just don't understand why people think this works.

I mean, seriously. Grow a fuckin' brain. How the HELL can a vibrating platform do anything for you that couldn't be better accomplished by being less of a lazy fucker and at LEAST buying some Billy Blanks shit? HOW!?

If we follow this logical thinking process, every woman that owns a vibrator or "back massager" should have a vagina strong enough to be a penis guillotine.

http://i33.tinypic.com/9zx8hf.gif

[brobinson]

The gym I attend has these vibration machines. They try and sell additional memberships for them on top of the regular fee's.

My ex-girlfriend used to go on it and said it must work because she's so sore everywhere. I said "I could do the same, in less time, with a baseball bat, but you'll still have a fat ass in the morning."

[PVC]

I said "I could do the same, in less time, with a baseball bat, but you'll still have a fat ass in the morning."

Ex-girlfriend? I wonder why? :p

[BryanM]

Billy Blanks

Oh man, I think Billy is one of the biggest assholes ever. Someone like Richard Simmons might be ignorant, but Billy knows completely how useless what he's endorsing is.


Ex-girlfriend? I wonder why? :p
Because she was fat! And too dumb. Didn't you read the story?!